At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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