i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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