It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
