I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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