YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
