he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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