WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
