I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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