I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
