what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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