And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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