You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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