I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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