After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I look better un-naked...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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