if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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