ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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