so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
