I will die if light touches me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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