Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
