Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
