Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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