...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
