you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
