So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
