My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
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FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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