mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
