Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
