All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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