fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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