I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
