Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
false alarm. still invincible.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We're too hungover to prance.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
