There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
