He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
