Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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