It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
