2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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