i just had sex bonerless
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
