well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
