Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's blow job season.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
