Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
