I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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