just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
