you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
