okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
