That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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