hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
