My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
