did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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