apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
