So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
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Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.