I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.