i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?