Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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