I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So vagazzling was a success