I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
