I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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