she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
