I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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