I'm lost and stupid without you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Text me some of your sweat
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
