i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
