i permit you to call me
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
