i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
