your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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