I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize