oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We smell like vodka and hangover
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