The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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